About this Blog
Momfidence! cheers on commonsense parenting and sighs at the rest. How to worry less, wing it more. A.k.a. parenting by the seat of my mid-rise mom jeans.
About Paula Spencer
I'm the author of Momfidence! An Oreo Never Killed Anybody and Other Secrets of Happier Parenting, and a mom of four in Chapel Hill, North Carolina (where you cannot even buy Oreos at the two groceries nearest to my home).
A rare foto in which all six Spencers face the camera! by Charles Harris
Some Kindred Blogs
Parentopia
On mommy guilt The Mother of All Blogs My fave fellow mom of four MommaBlog in Fotos Looks like my house Parent Talk Today Kindred writer Momformation ParentCenter Free Range Kids Set them free! Jane Austen Addict For diversion Diet Naked For inspiration Dr. Helen For insights American Poetry Alliance For mind expansion Caring Currents Caregiver blog to which I contribute |
I Need a HeroJuly 24, 2008
For a magazine feature, I'm looking for a few good moms...who have had those bursts of bravery that sometimes befall us in the line of duty (and maybe also surprise the pants off us).
Sooo.... Have you ever lifted a bus off your child? Jumped in and saved him from sharks? Faced down a monster with no thought to your own peril? Okay, those are extreme examples, but I'd love to hear your stories of coming to your child's rescue in big or small heroic ways. Hit "Contact Paula" tab above and shoot me an email. I'll follow up. Thanks much! No Birthday Presents for the Little Obamas?!July 24, 2008
Am I the only one who found it a wee bit startling that Mr and Mrs Barack Obama don't give their children birthday presents OR Christmas presents?
Apparently so says tomorrow's People magazine. I dunno...sounds kind of Grinchy and joyless to me. The girls are 7 and 10! I never met a mom who could resist buying a birthday present for a seven-year-old. Surely there are better ways to "teach limits" (their given reason). Like, you could limit it to two or three presents. Or set yourself a dollar limit. Or leave limits to discipline and let celebrations be...fun. I read somewhere else the 10-year-old does five different activities (piano, dance, etc) and the younger, four. More fun. NOBODY Has Attention AnymoreJuly 23, 2008
Today's diseased-children headline: More cases of ADHD are being diagnosed in kids over 11...four percent more each year!
Hmmm, previously cases were identified before this age, so we had the tot-ADHD "epidemic." And then it was the teen epidemic. And let's not forget the growing number of adults with ADHD. "It may reflect a growing understanding that a child-- especially an older kid --can have ADHD without being disruptively impulsive or hyperactive," says one doc. In which case the problem is...?? Face it. Nobody can concentrate these days! I sure can't, with my email box dinging and Drudge Report beckoning and the phones...But to take a drug for it seems a bit overboard. Unless you're peddling Ritalin. There are enough docs out there pooh-poohing the ADHD diagnosis and offering alternative behavioral approaches to make me very wary of this particular disease fad. Just Be Glad They're Dressing ThemselvesJuly 22, 2008
Apparently clothing manufacturers have caught onto the idea that kids randomly pair stripes with polka dots and clashing colors. Now you can buy "coordinated mismatched looks":
"Think a purple, two-tone dot turtleneck with a multicoloured zigzag poncho and purple-and-aqua plaid skirt for girls, or red-white-and-blue plaid flannel shirt over a blue-and-white striped rugby shirt for boys." No word on what's to keep the child matching up the proper mismatched coordinates, as opposed to, say, wearing that purple two-tone dot turtleneck with a tutu and green striped socks [as seen more than once in my house, I think.] The editor of Cookie urges parents to "let kids express themselves"...but then she can't help adding, "but at the same time you want them to look put together and not be embarrassed." THEY won't be embarrassed! Why should you? Warning: On Hot Days, Playground Equipment Can Get, Um, HotJuly 21, 2008
Don't know how we all survived monkey bars over concrete surfaces. Let alone, to use a timely example, sizzlin' metal slides on hot summer days.
If only we'd had SIGNS warning about hot surfaces like this NYC mom wants because her child was playing barefooted on a rubber mat on a hot day. (His caregiver had removed the shoes he was wearing in a sprinkler to "rinse them off.") I'll Leave the Botulism in the Food, Thanks
July 18, 2008
Momfidence is...
Realizing that OMG in yesterday's vacation foto, you have lingering little lines between your eyebrows usually made when you are frowning at a wayward child, eyeing a price tag, or working... but you are doing none of those things, you are relaxing and happy, and so in a flash you see this is what people use Botox for... and STILL thinking they're crazy, it's poison, and you can't fight Time forever so you may as well gradually get used to it. And maybe grow longer bangs. The Latest $60 Paranoia-Preying ScamJuly 18, 2008
I remember being flummoxed by a wipes warmer at a baby shower. I wrote in my book Momfidence about "Thudguard," the protection helmet for wobbly toddlers. And I've snickered here over GPS systems sewn into kids' jackets, etc.
And today comes word of a real breakthrough in the have-they-no-shame-about-ripping-off-parents department: A sensor pad that will sound if you leave your child in the car seat and walk away. Okay, tragic accidents have happened (16 kids this year...out of how many million car trips?). But does that justify making parents think a pricey gizmo can replace common sense? Besides, I used to let my napping older baby/toddler keep sleeping strapped in the car seat after I pulled into the (cool, ventilated) garage. Yes this is against some expert recommendations. No this is not at all like the Portugal case of leaving your child many rooms away and having dinner with friends. I could see 'em from the kitchen 10 feet away, checked often, could hear a holler -- but was not willing to blow the blessed naptime. Alarm? No thank you. They Kept the Beanie!
July 17, 2008
Girl Scouts have new clothing offerings (camoflage Girls Rock tee for Juniors, anyone?). Luckily they preserved the basic color schemes so you can continue handing down the Brownie brown pants from daughter to daughter.
And best of all, they didn't bow too low to the Fashion gods...they kept the Brownie beanie. Is Some of the Autism Epidemic Not Real?July 16, 2008
Interesting possible light on the epidemic autism numbers I hadn't seen pointed out before, by Thomas Sowell. Not to belittle the actual cases whatsoever. But are late talkers, antisocial tykes, and others who turn out to be, in fact, normal, being counted among the swelling autism stats ?
He also points out the growing number of parents urged to say/believe their child has autism even if he probably doesn't in order to receive special treatment services (which he may in fact need, or may not). Nothing momfidenceish about it, just interesting. This Week's Lighten-Up-and-Eat-a-Cookie Award
July 16, 2008
A big chocolate Lighten-Up-and-Eat-a-Cookie Award to the mad mums at a public park in England who tried to stop a dad from photographing his own (adorable redheaded) sons because they believed him to be a "pervert" who wanted to put the pix on the Internet.
(Yes, they called him that.) (The boys were sliding down a slide. Yes, fully clothed.) The policeman the shocked fellow consulted confirmed he was doing nothing wrong (taking pix of his own kids) and said "that's just the way society is these days." Another Good Reason to Unplug (or Go to Summer Camp, or Move to a Farm)July 16, 2008
Yesterday reader Cathy pointed this article out to me and today the news is all over the Net: Kids are becoming demonstrably more sluggish as they get older. Fewer than a third of 15-year-olds get more than an hour of exercise a day, and only 3 percent get as much exercise as the typical 9-year-old!
It's not entirely kids' fault -- or moms' fault --of course. Suburban layouts make walking places hard, few Americans have hard chores in their daily life any more, young teens often have few job opportunities, the elite sports trend shuts out average athletes who could be running around having a good time, all while the siren call of sedentary pursuits is more alluring than ever. (Hello, Facebook.) Which doesn't mean you can't limit the access, take away the car keys and make them bike, put them to work in the yard, etc. It's not easy (I know, I happen to have a 15-year-old). Fifteen-year-old boys, especially, ideally belong out hunting rabbits and pitching hay. We live in a world that doesn't naturally suit 15-year-old boys any more. What's disconcerting to me is that this problem is headed toward being yet another bit of social engineering falling on the shoulder of schools, as this other heads-up from Cathy points out: “We need to get back to the basics of ensuring the health of our children by promoting nutrition, fitness and overall health in our public schools,” Nelson [a Texas state senator] said [on the news that fewer than 10 percent of Texas high school seniors reached the "Healthy Zone" in new state measurements]. I thought the "basics" were reading, writing and 'rithmatic. Which btw we should be spending MORE time on, not even less. Thanks, Cathy! School Weirdness in SummerJuly 15, 2008
This is the wackiest absence-of-all-human-commonsense-in-the-process situation I've read about since the kid who went to foster care because his dad didn't realize the boy's oddly-labeled lemonade contained alcohol...so I just had to point it out. Twins in Seattle assigned to different schools. And nobody steps in to say, Yes, this is a silly bureaucratic mistake, we'll fix it right away Mrs. Taxpayer.
I live near Raleigh, the fastest growing urban area in the country by some estimates, and I always wonder if all these Yankees & Californians pouring in know that Wake County Schools use a wacky formula to assign schools, so they often change from year to year and are nowhere near home. Oh for that quaint notion called neighborhood schools. If there are problems with economics they should be fixed without inconveniencing families and disrupting communities. Don't Deprive Your Child of (Lots of) Summer Camp!July 13, 2008
I meant to mention the whole "kid-sick parents" phenomenon this week. That would be parents who miss their kids too much to send them to camp, or to send them more for a day or two, or a week.
You'd think it was just an invention of media except camps across the country are having to respond by starting "starter camps" that last only a few days or weeks (instead of the normal 2 to 8 or 10 weeks) and allowing e-mail and videocam and other apron-string glue. I only wish I had started sooner. My oldest was 10 when he first left for three weeks. Seven or eight is probably ideal. What's not to like? (Except the price tag.) Kids gain confidence and independence at camp, kids in teeny families learn to live in a group, they get unplugged (DON'T send them to computer camp, jeez!), they're outside, they learn skills like canoeing and archery and scary storytelling, etc etc. Funny "symptoms of kidsickness" here. (Except it's not written as humor.) Momfidence is... Being a kid-sick parent--meaning you get sick of your kids in a normal, healthy human way (as they get sick of you) -- and taking the "camp cure" by sending them away. It's good for them...even better for you! The Lost Innocence of Children's FilmsJuly 13, 2008
What was so refreshing about the Kit Kittredge movie? By and large it was a children's movie, plain and simple. It didn't rely on the snarky asides and over-their-heads jokes and innuendo of contemporary kids' flicks -- and yes, I include the excruciating Shrek in that category, even though I appear to be the sole Shrek detester on the planet, along with just about every other recent cartoon and far too many TV toons, too. (Haven't seen "Kung Fu Panda" yet but it's summer and I may yet succumb to a weak moment's benevolence, or an afternoon to kill in a/c.)
Some comments worth reading from the director of "Bend It Like Beckham" about this loss of innocence in films and what kids are missing. Hooray for Amanda Peet!July 12, 2008
Hooray for Amanda Peet! A celeb steps forward to counteract the damage being done by the righteous-but-ill-informed Jenny McCarthy, who is stoking a generation of nervous moms to not vaccinate their kids.
Herd immunity is sparing thousands of lives that were once lost to measles, rubella, rotavirus, diptheria, pertussis, polio, and countless other dread diseases. Even now, there's a bad measles outbreak in 15 states. People who aren't vaccinating out of fear of the disproven mercury-causing-autism theory or because they want their kids to remain "pure and natural" are putting those kids -- and many kids and pregnant women carrying unborn kids around them -- at risk. And, as Peet points out, even as they're self-righteously claiming vaccines are bad, they're benefiting from the shield created by group innoculations! I think a lot of new moms aren't vaccinating not out of a strong viewpoint so much as herd ignorance. Not vaccinating is a trend they hear about as "smarter" than the establishment view so they're blindly climbing aboard the same way they did for potty-train-your-baby and let's-all-have-green guilt. So it's great that there's a strong counter-campaign underway. |
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