Momfidence! - YOU Get to Decide Because You're the Mommy

About this Blog

Momfidence! cheers on commonsense parenting and sighs at the rest. How to worry less, wing it more. A.k.a. parenting by the seat of my mid-rise mom jeans.

About Paula Spencer

I'm the author of Momfidence! An Oreo Never Killed Anybody and Other Secrets of Happier Parenting, and a mom of four in Chapel Hill, North Carolina (where you can't even buy Oreos at the two wholesome groceries nearest to my home).

Some Kindred Blogs

Parentopia On mommy guilt
The Mother of All Blogs My fave fellow mom of four
MommaBlog in FotosLooks like my house
Parent Talk Today Kindred writer
Momformation ParentCenter
FreeRangeKidsSet them free!
Jane Austen Addict For diversion
Diet Naked For inspiration
Dr. Helen For conversation
BlythTimes For smart insights
LifeCoachBlog for positive reminders
Plan B for thinkin' past motherhood
Self Caring Caregiver blog I also write
College-path (trust me, eventually, you'll be there!)

YOU Get to Decide Because You're the Mommy

March 31, 2009

Sorry, been swamped and had no idea so many days have passed. Every day I think of things to comment on...baby yoga...hugs and high fives being banned at schools...hot mom followups..sexting...

But this Canadian feature, about a trend here in my homestate of NC, stopped me in my racing tracks: Consensual parenting. No wait, it's called "consensual living" because of course there is no parenting involved.

The preschooler gets to decide when she goes to bed. The toddler decides whether she's too cranky for her pediatric well visit any given day.

The article's lead anecdote threw me, because it's about allowing a child to wear the same thing day after day...been there, done that. But there's a big difference between sartorial allowances and basics like sleep, discipline, and medical care.

Anyone else heard of this movement? Sounds like it was thought up by parents with too much time on their hand -- or time not better spent reading up on basic child development.

Check out the core principles of consensual living: (Sorry, at least with young kids, I don't think I fully agree with any!)

Everyone's wants and needs are equally valid, regardless of age.
Children can be trusted to know their own minds and bodies.
Punishments and rewards are tools of manipulation, unneeded when family members work as a team.
There is a creative solution that works for everyone.
Each family member has a positive intent and desires harmony.
When all are secure that their needs will be met, they will branch out and help others meet their needs.

Comments

Tara says...

Funny that they would say the adults manipulate the children, yet these same people would probably say that a 3 year old is not capable of manipulating their parents....

Susan Morris says...

OMG. So what happens when these kids grow up and have to relate to real authority figures -- teachers, bosses, the police? "Excuse me officer, but you're not meeting my need to get to the 8 o'clock movie by writing me a speeding ticket. Please validate my feelings and stop trying to manipulate me with your so-called authority." What a crock. Would love to hear what Dr. Rosemond has to say about this!

Denise says...

Would never work in my house. My teen and preteen fight about anything and everything right now. How would that fit in with their "principles of harmony".
Nah! good ole fashioned parenting works in my house. My house and my rules while ever kids live in it with me.

Kelly says...

How do they know how to work as a team unless you teach them? How do you teach them without setting boundries? I'm all for treating your kids like people (they are most days) but I'm not sure kids understand their needs- Staying up late is a desire, but not a need- sleeping is a need. In my house it's a need for child and most of all for mom!

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