Just in time to help me recover from a whole lotta rushing around (kids on break, visiting old friends & relatives including my remarkable 93-year-old godmother, now "dad-sitting" an under-the-weather father), I get to welcome my favorite finger-on-the-pulse mom Jen Singer of MommaSaid who has a new book out on toddlers (a topic you know I never tire of, having written at least 2 books on the topic myself).
But I wouldn't clear a space for Jen if her momfidence weren't so clear & smart. Here's an excerpt from Jen:
What Can You Do if Your Toddler is a Shrieker?
Advice from Jen Singer, author of “Stop Second Guessing Yourself – the Toddler Years” (HCI, April 2009)
There’s nothing quite like a toddler who shrieks to shake your confidence as a mother. One minute you’re complimenting your new neighbor on their curtains, and the next, you’re trying to explain that your toddler shrieks when she gets excited – this time over their dog. Only, nobody can hear you over all that shrieking.
Some parents today would shrug and chalk it up to their toddler’s “need to express” herself. Others would be mortified, leaving immediately and not returning until their darling little one heads to college. But there are better, more effective ways to deal with your shrieking toddler. It’s just a matter of knowing what kind you have:
The “Till Mommy Pays Attention” Shrieker
A toddler who shrieks to get your attention is a diabolical addition to your life. This is a kid who doesn’t want to wait for you to finish your conversation with another grown-up, so she interrupts you with the kind of noise that sounds like it could take down low-flying planes by interfering with their radar.
Your biggest mistake is to stop talking and acknowledge it, because you’re teaching her that shrieking works. Instead, make up a signal, such as a raised hand. She’ll soon learn it means, “I hear you, but I’m not going to answer to shrieking.” Then explain to the other grown-up what you’re doing. It’ll take a few agonizing times for your toddler to understand and to stop the madness, but it works if you’re consistent and calm.
The “I’m as Happy as a Contestant on Deal or No Deal” Shrieker
This kid is tough to reprogram, because he’s simply shrieking with the kind of joy grown-ups reserve for winning a new car on Oprah. He’s happy, so he lets it rip. He might not even realize how loud he is. Or he does, and he just doesn’t care.
You don’t want to quash his one-kid party, but you can’t let him shriek his way through the playground or Macy’s or your brother’s wedding. Now is the perfect time to teach him the value of using his “indoor voice” in lieu of shrieking like a cockatiel whose tail is being pulled. You’ll often have to shush him and say in the nicest Mommy voice you can muster up, “Indoor voice, honey!” But eventually, he’ll either get it or he’ll pick up a new habit.
The “I’m Mad as Hell” Shrieker
She’s mad as hell, and she’s not going to take it anymore. At least, not without a migraine-inducing, everybody-stop-and-stare shriek heard ’round the world. She knows she’s loud, and she knows you hate it. That’s the whole point, silly. You take away the Barbie she just yanked off the shelves at Toys “R” Us, and she lets you know what she thinks of it——and you. Embarrassed by her outburst, you let her have the Barbie. Shrieking works for her, even if it’s giving you ulcers.
But you have to stand firm, or else you’re going to give her reason to keep on shrieking whenever she’s angry. No matter how hard it is, don’t let her know how much it rattles your insides. Take the Barbie away——or whatever made her angry in the first place——and keep on going as though you are immune to her shrieks. It’ll be embarrassing and blood curdling, but it’s better than becoming the Mom of the Shrieker for the next year or so. Stick with your plan until she learns that shrieking doesn’t work. You can add a time-out or some other short punishment to your repertoire, but don’t yell, or you’ll start a Battle of the Loudest, and we know who’ll win that one. Just ask your ulcers.
I've had all types -- and yup, this advice works! --Paula
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