About this Blog

Momfidence! cheers on commonsense parenting and sighs at the rest. How to worry less, wing it more. A.k.a. parenting by the seat of my mid-rise mom jeans.

About Paula Spencer

I'm the author of Momfidence! An Oreo Never Killed Anybody and Other Secrets of Happier Parenting, and a mom of four in Chapel Hill, North Carolina (where you can't even buy Oreos at the two wholesome groceries nearest to my home).

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This Week's Lighten-Up-and-Eat-a-Cookie Award

May 06, 2009

A step-away-and-snarf-a-cookie order to any mom who feels her "caregiving identity" is threatened if a child who's hurt on the playground runs to Daddy first. That was an example given in a USA Today piece on moms who want shared parenting but feel threatened by changes in the conventional hierarchy of duties.

Says one mom giving the example: "My first reaction is, 'I hope the other mothers didn't notice because maybe they would judge me.' "

I'd judge all right...I'd judge the kid as lucky! Mine grew up calling indiscriminately for  "Mommy" or "Daddy" when they were sick or hurt -- whoever was handy or was top of mind at the moment.

That's shared parenting and it's terrific. It's about the kids, not about you and what people think about you.

 

Comments
Amy says...

Paula,
I could not agree more! I am the mom who is quoted in this piece as saying that. Alas, the rest of my sentence was omitted from the article. It goes something like this: "...but any feeling of judgment would be totally eclipsed by the joy that we've given our kids two parents to run to for comfort." I DO think our kids are lucky to have us both so equally involved in their lives, and I wanted to make the point that if you want to make room for equal parenting, you'll need to get past silly, surface worries like this.

My whole point was the same as yours: don't parent (or live any aspect of your life) worrying about what others may think - do what's best for your kids and your family instead! Thanks for giving me a chance to clear this up.

Paula says...

Wow isn't that interesting! I think the vast majority of moms think like you (us) but when they see stuff presented as it was, it's undermining to confidence because they get the impression that a large number of people are out there judging them so, they think, Gee maybe I *should* worry. Fuels perfectly natural insecurities. In my experience most moms are too busy on the playground making sure their toddlers don't eat sand or sipping coffee and comparing jovial notes about what lame mothers we are to be noticing other family dynamics!

Denise says...

At least I feel normal now. I love it when my kids go to their Dad instead of me for anything. I want their father to have the same relationship with them as I do.Thanks both of you for being real.

Rebecca says...

Yes, I sometimes pretend to be busy with something else or I hide in the bathroom so they run to dad. He can deal just as well.

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