About this Blog

Momfidence! cheers on commonsense parenting and sighs at the rest. How to worry less, wing it more. A.k.a. parenting by the seat of my mid-rise mom jeans.

About Paula Spencer

I'm the author of Momfidence! An Oreo Never Killed Anybody and Other Secrets of Happier Parenting, and a mom of four in Chapel Hill, North Carolina (where you can't even buy Oreos at the two wholesome groceries nearest to my home).

Some Kindred Blogs

Hot Moms, Revisited

January 23, 2007
The dubious trend to pairing the words "hot" and "mom" is the subject of my newest "Momfidence!" column in Woman's Day.  (It's not online but you can find it now at your friendly neighborhood checkout lane and toss it in your cart when you're buying groceries; look for the issue with a red velvet cake on the cover and hopelessly lukewarm foto of me inside).

A reader just wrote me about the column:

"'Something happened over the summer in our town, and it seems as if all the moms (and dads) have gotten MySpace pages that would make a sailor blush and have taken to reliving the party hearty days of high school and college...

...I was actually told [by a dad] that I dress like a 'granny' at the community pool. (I'm a size six, but still wear a skirted tankini as opposed to a Victoria's Secret bikini. Thanks for the reinforcement that I'm not crazy!"

As if we don't have enough hassles at the pool, what with diapers leaking and water wings to blow up! We're supposed to wear bikinis for the leering daddys?

I was at a children's museum this weekend watching yummy mummys on three-inch heels chasing toddlers as wobbly as them. (But the tots were faster!)

As I ask in my column, for whose benefit?
Comments
rita marchesona says...

I am a Mother of two and Grandmother of five and I can tell you from experience you are right on. I think you're line on your feelings for "daddy-0" being private say it all for me. That's the problem today. Nothing is private. Let's just let it all hang out and flaunt everything. You can see how far its getting us. Just look around.

Teresa says...

Boy, I loved your article on "hot moms"! What is it with young women these days!?! (And some not-so-young.) Let me tell you, if being "hot" is still important to you (other than being "hot" for your husband), then you are NOT ready to be a mom!

Will says...

I thought a little husband-perspective would be nice. I understand the arguments against trying to be "hot" and such. (Good luck trying to appeal to the opposite sex without any regards to looks) On the other hand, if a woman uses her "hotness" to attract the man, then I would say that it is something that the fellow values. To forgo any effort in that department after the relationship has continued may leave the husband feeling deceived. Nobody likes a bait-and-switch!

Paula says...

Great point, Will--but that line of thinking assumes that the only alternative to "hotness" is "schlumpy fat-housedress let yourself go." Decades of mothers--too busy with kids for weekly highlighting sessions, a little soft in the middle from the work of carrying and bearing YOUR children--still managed to be attractive without having to look like 20-year-old Hooters waitresses.

I'd argue it's a maturity thing on the part of the dad if he didn't expect a little evolution in the woman he married and procreated with. (Interesting there are no "hot dad handbooks" or hot-dad expectations...)

Hot Mom Member says...

I read your article about "hot moms" and was somewhat annoyed. I am a thirty-something mom of a son and have a wonderful group of mom friends. We all actually pride ourselves at being "hot moms". We work hard at being good mothers and also being good wives. There is nothing wrong with trying to keep up your own appearances. I think a lot of women get lost in the day-to-day caring for everyone else and forget about doing things for themselves. If doing our nails and coloring our hair is what we choose to do in our free time, as opposed to a bath or yoga, then so be it. We are not trying to be hot for other men. We are trying to look good for ourselves and our spouses. You seem to have the wrong impression of "hot moms" and I hope that other people can be a little more open-minded about the idea.

Debbie Janwich says...

I am so troubled by this "hot moms" issue. Women will never be taken seriously if we are perceived as nothing more than superficial beings who only want to "look good" for men. We are so much more than that. Wome are incredible people who do almost anything that needs to get done while being loving people to their children and spouses. Look at how women are portrayed on TV with their breasts hanging out of their blouses. We are portrayed as jealous, mean, backstabbing, golddiggers for a man. And what are we teaching our daughters? Just look at what goes on with the kids today? Sex at ages as early as 12 or 13. And I certainly do NOT want my son referring to anyone's mom as hot. What about respect??? There are so many other attributes that women should represent other than "hot moms". Like kindness, compassion, strength, love, faith, loyality, hard-working, etc.......

Hot Mom Absolutely says...

Oh come on. So if you get married and have a family you let yourself go? I am a well educated woman. An incredible wife and mother. I am loving, caring, and very compassionate. By the way I am a hot mom with confidence and there is nothing wrong with that. No not every body is a size 2, 4, or 6, but so what. You can be a size 16 and still be gorgeous! Is it superficial? My guess it is one's perception.

Hot Mom Member says...

Whoever said being hot means you want to run around and attract other men?!
I am also a well educated women and a mother of two, with a wonderful husband! I love my children more than anything in this world! However, I also love who I am as a person and that makes me a better wife and mother. If I choose to take care of myself, it doesn't mean anything else except to make me a better person. Some mothers choose to let themselves go and others choose to take care of themselves. Personally, I choose to take care of myself. Sorry about those of you who don't! What is most important when it all comes down to it, is that you love who you are.

Will says...

Paula, I believe that we can agree that the desired "hotness" lies somewhere between 20 yr old Hooters waitress and "schlumpy fat-housedress" as you so eloquently described. My only complaint with the written article was that it never mentioned anything in-between. It only trivialized the media's definition (which can definitely be out of the question). It left me feeling that you were completely making light the idea of "hot" when it simply needs to be re-defined. Both members of the relationship should work together to achieve a level of hot-ness that is realistic and achievable.

Paula says...

In these linguistically hypersensitive times (see: Biden, Gray's Anatomy, etc.) maybe it's the word "hot" itself that's conjures up such diverse interpretations...!

For the record I am all for taking care of ourselves. But thank goodness low-rise jeans are going back "out." !

Kelli says...

Hot = the LAST load of laundry coming out of the dryer.
Even Hotter = someone ELSE folding it!

jake says...

Your thoughts as man as being a pig looking at women as hot moms ,gold diggers mean and back stabbers may be true in some cases./ But the figures are not as high as you think. Some women dress up more than others that draws eyes. All women in gods eyes are beautifull. Unfortunatly some men have the brain fart to say there thoughts out loud. There are alot of men who do like women with a thinking process. Please don't corall all men with your thoughts. If you have a male companion don"t shut him out

jake says...

please don't include me in your thoughts as a pig. I never expresssed any ideas that women were a show piece . and if this web site clowds your mind please think about talking first. and using your last name was very un profasional

william says...

to djanwich Its not needed to express your last name for privacy but your ideas are valid. espacialty love and loyalty even if your spouse is commited to you for ever
no matter what happens. Yes there are some women who are very attractive and some men need to say things out of text but maby women shouldent take this issue so personal. If you have a man who loves you unconditionaly let it go

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